Jane Is 15

 

Because you are 15 today and I am overcome with emotion, it's difficult to get it together and figure out what to do to mark the occasion properly and in what order.   

First, I expect, I will drink iced coffee to your health.

Then I will happily & uncomplainingly make you French Toast served with that great Massachusetts Grade B maple syrup that makes all the difference.  

Your mother will take you to see Gertrudes for a haircut and a new application of "lowlights."  I will not join you, which you should consider an extra present; You know I just get impatient and in the way.

Now that I've finally located the right kind of hot dog and roll at the Lancaster Market, I will buy you the Chauffe-Saucisses Professionel, which we admired in the Tuileries in Paris a few years ago.  We may quarrel with the French about some things, but not this.

A pony mule purchase is now in order.

The Mona Lisa acquisition is proving difficult.  

That Corvette should be do-able (in time).

I'm glad you asked for the official DOT vest from eBay and that you don’t mind the funny looks you’re getting in the street and at Target.   As Handsome Dick Manitoba stated (and you should always remember) : “I Am Right.”

But I would really like you to have this magic Danish orb.  

Happy Birthday!