The Worst Movie Ever -- 2012

        Mentioning the very worst movie I have ever seen seems like an appropriate early summer/hot day/can't think for too long blog post.

         I saw it last night.  It's called 2012 and stars John Cusack, Danny Glover (as the American president) and Amanda Peet.  Directed by Roland Emmerich (Independence Day) on a $200 million budget, the picture apparently grossed $769,675,494 internationally.  Amazingly, I had never heard of it, which goes to show how consciousness of mass-entertainment products has changed.  I worked for Twentieth Century Fox at the time Independence Day was released in theaters (1996) and later on home video, and I recall awareness of that film permeating popular culture.

        The British actor Chiwetel Ejiofor, who was quite good in last summer's spy thriller Salt, and Oliver Platt, who is sometimes ok, but often (as in this movie) annoying and ridiculous, are also featured.

         The movie critic Peter Travers wrote: "Beware 2012, which works the dubious miracle of almost matching Transformers 2 for sheer, cynical, mind-numbing, time-wasting, money-draining, soul-sucking stupidity."

          I haven't seen Transformers 2, but I did see the 1979 film Players starring Ali McGraw and Dean Paul (aka Dino) Martin (directed by Anthony Harvey) and The Wiz featuring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson (directed by Sidney Lumet), two movies that are often included on "all-time worst" lists.

          Players is terrible, but quite enjoyable nonetheless.  Dino Martin wasn't a good actor, but was very handsome and appealing, and Ali McGraw, all the tennis footage, and Maxmillian Schell each justify themselves.  I recall seeing it at a studio screening with Caroline and wasn't tempted once to exit early, which would have been a terrible breach of screening etiquette.

          NOTHING, however, could have kept us at The Wiz.  Watching that film was what I imagine having surgery without anesthetic would feel like. We had to leave, protocol offense or no.  It was like trying to sit through a Lou Reed concert.

         Borrowing from the 2012 poster art -- You Were Warned.

Recovery Summer -- Herakleitos 72

[72]

Soul, soul

Torn by perplexity,

On your feet now!

Throw forward your chest

To the enemy;

Keep close in the attack;

Move back not an inch.

But never crow in victory,

Nor mope hangdog in loss.

Overdo neither sorrow nor joy:

A measured motion governs man.

Independence Dependence (July 4th Pancakes)

Maine lake and piney woods

        Jane was only home from Cambridge a few days before leaving for summer camp in Maine.  She’s never been to sleep-away camp before and wanted to try it out.   Some other local girls attend this camp, which looks like a splendid place for our energetic, athletic daughter and, apart from the satisfaction I hope to take in making this further contribution to her development as an adolescent and independent person, Caroline and I will travel to Maine to visit her mid-way through her summer, which will be nice. 

State of Maine -- Admited to Union in 1820;  Capitol city is Augusta

        Despite the long planning that preceded her departure, it still seemed sudden and rushed to me, with a lot of loose ends dangling, including the sizeable amount of unused pancake batter Jane left in the refrigerator.  Caroline, who has been suffering with a dreadful flu-like illness that we suspect Jane brought back from the UK, discovered it when she finally rose from her sick-bed yesterday looking for something to eat.

Chocolate-chip pancakes

       As a child (despite her budding maturity and rich and sophisticated sense of sarcasm, THE age-appropriate attitude and rhetorical device), Jane likes to make chocolate chip pancakes, something most adults do not prepare for themselves.  Recently, she has progressed from using the Bisquick packaged pancake preparation (which is extremely good) to the traditional basic Joy of Cooking recipe.  It was this batter Jane left behind, but with the key difference that her recipe this time included a quantity of excellent cut-up, locally grown Pennsylvania  strawberries. 

Maine blueberries

        Seeing Jane’s bequest, and also spying some unused, still fresh local blueberries adjacent to them, Caroline combined that fruit into the batter and prepared a remarkable, original (to us, at least) breakfast, one that combined various dark, light, sweet and bitter notes.  After nourishing herself and retreating to bed, I tried the what remained of the pancakes while clearing the kitchen and formed the same, still unspoken and not-yet-shared thought that she had  – that this would be a very good summer dessert recipe combined with some vanilla ice cream.  

 
Glorious strawberries

        When we actually spoke about our telepathic menu union, we found that although we were basically on the same page (we both agreed, for instance, that the quantity of dark chocolate chips needed to be reduced from Jane’s generous levels), there was one salient difference between us.  Caroline thinks we should stick with the Joy of Cooking recipe, but I think a lighter, “French-ier” crepe recipe would be better for dessert purposes.

French-style crepes

        We have been married for so long (and happily) that we are extremely familiar with each other’s personalities.  Therefore, on many occasions I have found that there are really no subjects that are too trivial to argue about, so this discussion went on for a while.   Finally, we agreed to try both recipes (with chocolate chip and fruit quantities remaining approximate; really, that’s a question of personal taste) to see which version works best.  Should any reader care to essay for themselves this comparison/taste test, please let me know which preparation you prefer.  Given the red, white and blue elements in the dish, I would definitely say that this is fare suitable for July 4th celebrations.

Charles de Gaulle, President of France and First Lady of the United States, Jacqueline Kennedy, Paris, June 1961

        I’m distraught and somewhat despondent not having my daughter around, but I am doing the best I can to cope.  Everywhere I visit, people ask about her.  It has become extremely clear that I have faded into the general woodwork of my own life. When I’m around Jane, I feel like President Kennedy must have felt when he said:  "I am the man who accompanied Jacqueline Kennedy to Paris",  as he began his June 2, 1961 press conference in Paris.  

Maine summer camp waterfront

        We’ll be visiting Jane in Maine toward the end of the month.  Based on a couple of Maine visits during the past decade – the first since my own dreadful summer camping youth – Bob Dylan must have had me in mind when he wrote "I Shall Be Released"  -- I’m looking forward to the trip.  Maine is really beautiful.

Recipes:

[1]   Basic Pancake Recipe:  This Mark Bittman pancake recipe, which was published in the New York Times, is very close to the Joy of Cooking recipe.  I've chosen to use it here because Bittman's recipes are generally excellent and extremely clear:

An important thing to remember about the cooking part is this -- that you have to preheat the skillet or griddle, or the first batch will be nearly worthless.   To determine when the pan is hot enough to take the batter, heat it over medium heat until a few drops of water skid across the surface before evaporating.  A well-seasoned cast iron pan will need little or no butter or oil, but if you choose stainless steel or aluminum pans, use plenty of butter, the net result will be that the pancakes will taste better.

Ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon of sugar, optional

2 eggs 

1 1/2 to 2 cups of milk

2 tablespoons melted and cooled butter (optional) plus unmelted butter for cooking, or use neutral oil.

Method

Heat a griddle or large skillet over medium-low heat.  In a bowl, mix together dry ingredients. Beat eggs into 1 1/2 cups milk, then stir in 2 tablespoons melted cooled butter, if using it.  Gently stir this mixture into dry ingredients, mixing only enough to moisten flour, don't worry about a few lumps.  If the batter seems thick, add a little more milk.

Place a teaspoon or two of butter or oil on griddle or skillet.  When butter foam subsides or oil shimmers, ladle batter onto griddle or skillet, making pancakes any size you like.  Adjust heat as necessary, usually first batch will require higher heat than subsequent batches. Flip pancakes after bubbles rise to surface and bottoms brown, after 2-4 minutes.

Cook until second side is lightly browned. Serve or hold on an ovenproof plate in a 200-degree oven for up to 15 minutes.

Yield: 4-6 servings

Time: 20 minutes

[2] Basic Crepes Recipe (from Bon Appetit)

Ingredients 

2 large eggs

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup unbleached all-purpose flout

1 1/4 cups (or more) milk (do not use low-fat or non-fat)

Melted butter 

Method

Whisk eggs and salt in a large bowl.  Gradually whisk in flour, then 1 1/4 cups milk.  Strain into medium bowl.  Let stand 1 hour.

If necessary, add more milk by tablespoonfuls to batter to thin to consistency of heavy whipping cream.  Heat 8-inch diameter non-stick skillet over medium-high heat.  Brush with melted butter.  Pour 3 tablespoons batter into skillet and swirl to coat bottom evenly.  Cook until top appears dray, loosening sides of crepe with spatula, about 45 seconds.  Turn and cook until brown spots appear on second side, about 30 seconds.  Turn crepe out onto plate.  Repeat with remaining batter, brushing skillet with butter and stacking crepes onto plate.

Makes 8 crepes

Note:  Although this piece is clearly drafted in a slightly "misty" (as Maynard G. Krebs would say) mood, I live in expectation of Jane's return, showing her how to make crepes and then standing aside as she masters the skill and begins, as I know she will, to surpass the great masters of the art.  She's very good at this sort of thing.  I will also tell her about my father, who was something of a crepes suzette king, a talent, other difficulties notwithstanding, that lands clearly on the credit side of the ledger.

Credit side of the ledger (and its "other"). 

Preparing crepes suzette at Restaurant Laserre, Paris

"Troll" in French Seems To Be "Le Troll"

What breaks me (Herakleitos 70)

Henri Fantin-Latour, Un Coin de Table, 1872, Musee d'Orsay, Paris



[70]


What breaks me,
Young friend,
Is tasteless desire,
Dead iambics
Boring dinners.

367 Years Ago Today: The Battle of Marston Moor (ELO Musical Accompaniment)

     

Marston Moor battlefield today




      The Battle of Marston Moor was fought on 2 July 1644, during the First English Civil War of 1642–1646. The combined forces of the Scottish Covenanters under the Earl of Leven and the English Parliamentarians under Lord Fairfax and the Earl of Manchester defeated the Royalists commanded by Prince Rupert of the Rhine and the Marquess of Newcastle.

Marston Moor

          During the summer of 1644, the Covenanters and Parliamentarians had been besieging York, which was defended by the Marquess of Newcastle. Prince Rupert had gathered an army which marched through the northwest of England to relieve the city, gathering fresh recruits on the way. The convergence of these forces made the ensuing battle the largest of the Civil Wars.

Studio of Anthony van Dyck, Portrait of Prince Rupert of the Rhine, Count Palatine, 1637, National Gallery, London

     The defeat at Marston Moor was a serious blow to the Royalist cause. Prince Rupert had been decisively beaten for the first time in the war and lost his reputation for invincibility. He was deeply affected by the defeat and suffered an additional blow through the death during the battle of his dog "Boye", a rare hunting poodle, who had been a constant companion by his side throughout his campaigns. Parliamentarian propaganda made much of this, treating Boye almost as a Devil's familiar.

Prince Rupert in battle accompanied by Boye (d. July 2, 1644) -- From the 1643 Parliamentary pamphlet entitled "The Cruel Practices of Prince Rupert".

         By contrast, Oliver Cromwell's reputation as a cavalry commander was firmly established by the engagement . It was acknowledged that the discipline he had instilled into his troops and his own leadership on the battlefield had been crucial to the victory. Cromwell would later declare that Marston Moor was "an absolute victory obtained by God's blessing".  From this moment, he was to exert increasing influence both in the House of Commons and in the Parliamentarian armies in the field.

Marston Moor battlefield observed from "Cromwell's Clump"

The Electric Light Orchestra (l-r:  Bev Bevan, Roy Wood, Jeff Lynne) 


Cue:  The Battle of Marston Moor -- From Electric Light Orchestra, No Answer (Composer: Roy Wood)

July Cooling (Theophile Gautier on Captain Hatteras, 1866)

Men of the Belgica wintering in Antarctica, 1898



When the alcohol in the thermometer . . . . pushes its red thread [to the maximum] . . . . it is best . . . . to read in the half-darkness . . . . some pleasant and refreshing book, for example the imaginary journeys of M. Jules Verne . . . . The British at the North Pole and The Desert of Ice . . . . especially, are excellent today. . . . . These Arctic books come at the right time.  When you hold them, they almost give you frostbite:  you can see your breath stretching out as fog while an invisible snow falls on your shoulders.  Like doctors, M. Jules Verne knows how to make ice at the heart of a white-hot tomb.  There exists an extensive collection of imaginary journeys, ancient and modern: from Lucian's True History to Gulliver's Travels, the human imagination has revelled in wild fantasies where, on the pretext of excursions to unknown lands, authors with more or less talent develop their utopias or exercise their satirical verve.  The journeys of M. Jules Verne belong to neither of these categories.  If they have not really been carried out -- even if they could not yet be done -- they present the most rigorous scientific possibilities, and the most daring are only the paradox or exaggeration of a truth soon to come.  Here the chimera is written and guided by a mathematical spirit.  It is the application to an invention of all those true, real, and precise details that produce the most complete illusion.  There is more Edgar Allen Poe and Daniel Defoe than Swift in M. Jules Verne -- or rather he has found his method on his own and at the first attempt taken it to the highest degree of perfection . . . .


. . . . When Hatteras shoots the sun, no naval captain could find the least error, and the same applies to the tiniest details.  Only Robinson Crusoe's diary by Defoe reaches this degree of verisimilitude.  But in addition, M. Jules Verne, who does not neglect the human and cordial side, ensures his characters are liked, and, above all on days as hot as when this article is written, he creates the desire to go and spend a few hours with those good companions in the snow-house in the desert of ice!



     ---  Theophile Gautier, Les Voyages Imaginaires de M. Jules Verne (16 July 1866), published in Le Moniteur universel, p. 197

Theophile Gautier photographed by Nadar, 1856  






Note:  Reading Theophile Gautier's contemporary review of Jules Verne's The Adventures of Captain Hatteras yesterday evening struck a chord because I also had been reading the novel partly to moderate my internal thermostat as Pennsylvania's summer swelters mounted their cruel annual assault.  I mentioned this to a friend, a psychotherapist much concerned with behavioral cues and tics the other day (under a high, beating sun; over cooling mango drinks), and it provoked a lively conversation.


The weather here has already become much too "close", as it was during Gautier's July 150 years ago.  "Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose", as the man said.

The Belgica in port of Antwerp, 1897, prior to voyaging