For
almost as long as I can still remember, I have been the "nervous type." I work hard and constantly busy myself in
other ways in order to calm down and smooth out my involvement in the world. My extreme nervousness was probably triggered
by my brother's sudden death by misadventure in a boating accident in 1970
when he was 13 and I was 17. After that things,
which were already dicey, took a turn for the uncertain worse and
I found myself clawing for any possible
handhold on stability and sequence. Outside of my
family, I don't think anyone really noticed my inner
gyro failure and flailings (that's how
life is once you hit 17), and inside my family there were only other nervous types and predators who preferred things to be that
way. I was extremely lucky that by that
time I lived away from home for most of the year.
Curtis, must admit I'm the same way -- work hard, constantly busy, still nervous.
ReplyDeleteOne key difference I think is that I drive myself nuts in this way totally without remuneration. In this respect it's perhaps not so much the failure to quell the anxiety, as the total insanity, that's the salient indicator.
It's less of a difference than you might imagine, or perhaps it's more one of degree (although I know degree counts). I'm kind of finally building a private law practice, which is a lot alien to me and exceptionally difficult to do. I'm working harder in a way than I ever did inside a company for far less remuneration, which I feel both somewhat ashamed asking people for (just a habit of mind) and which many of them are loathe to pay even though I offer them objectively better quality and terms than they can find elsewhere. Law is a funny profession; unlike doctors, whom people still regard with gratitude when successful results are achieved, legal clients tend to feel that you just obtained for them their due. Not complaining (much). And nobody seems to understand that proofreading is necessary, takes time and that no one can do it with more understanding and appropriate sense of responsibility than the author/lawyer. I'm glad this reached you. I'm thinking of developing this further. I would like to do that. People always tell me, especially when they hear my D.A.'s office stories, "you should write a book." I tell them, "why would I want to do that?" But your sense of fun and how you feel like spending your time changes occasionally. Of course, I'd like to have written and recorded Baby Come Back (or Electric Avenue), but that's not in the cards. The Ben Jonson lyric is still singing in me, by the way. Curtis
ReplyDeleteIt's less of a difference than you might imagine, or perhaps it's more one of degree (although I know degree counts). I'm kind of finally building a private law practice, which is a lot alien to me and exceptionally difficult to do. I'm working harder in a way than I ever did inside a company for far less remuneration, which I feel both somewhat ashamed asking people for (just a habit of mind) and which many of them are loathe to pay even though I offer them objectively better quality and terms than they can find elsewhere. Law is a funny profession; unlike doctors, whom people still regard with gratitude when successful results are achieved, legal clients tend to feel that you just obtained for them their due. Not complaining (much). And nobody seems to understand that proofreading is necessary, takes time and that no one can do it with more understanding and appropriate sense of responsibility than the author/lawyer. I'm glad this reached you. I'm thinking of developing this further. I would like to do that. People always tell me, especially when they hear my D.A.'s office stories, "you should write a book." I tell them, "why would I want to do that?" But your sense of fun and how you feel like spending your time changes occasionally. Of course, I'd like to have written and recorded Baby Come Back (or Electric Avenue), but that's not in the cards. The Ben Jonson lyric is still singing in me, by the way. Curtis
DeleteStrange that I picked today to read Acravan. It hit me hard. I've been out of the loop for awhile. As you may know, I've always been "a nervous type" and feel busy even though it's frequently only my mind that is working overtime. Apart from being nervous, I hope you are well. Nell
ReplyDeleteHi Nell. That's really, really interesting. I was thinking of you also, pretty constantly this morning as I posted this. So I'm glad (in a manner of speaking) that it reached and affected you. We're all well. I need to walk the dogs now but can go into more detail soon. But it was a very pretty day here and I think that tomorrow should be ok. Wednesday/Thursday are nicely packed with events that should keep me off the phone and away from typing on the computer, which will be a pleasant change. Love from all of us here. Curtis
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